literature

Masks lie all around me...

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Literature Text

To my friends I'm one thing, to my family another
I'm different at school, than I am to my mother.

Around others I'm never myself
each face is a single book, upon a vast shelf.

As I put on these masks, they chip away at my heart
but day by day they take a smaller part.

How long can I do this, till I just break through
is there something I should know, feel, or do?

Some days the mask is weaker, sometimes there's a hole
only to those I don't plan for can I show my true soul.

I feel I'm here to help others, to gently spread God's love
but these faces, they fit me, like a soft leather glove.

So finely crafted, so carefully maintained
I feel after wearing them, that my heart has been stained.

One face a crazy genious, two others make a dove
but at the heart of them all, there is no love.

That is only in the true me, which I'm scared to reveal
it is hard to lift so heavy a seal.

When at last they're all burned, not just lightly charred
will I be alone on the ground, so cold and so hard?

A few times I've shown myself thru a small chink
and those are the times I sing what I feel, not say what I think.
... Hi all, to everyone who reads this. You're going to get a bit extra this time, because of my mood. If I'm rambling, or word things a bit strange, I'm writing this as it comes. Unchanged.

Whenever I'm drawing, listening to music, or (lately) writing, my mask slips to my feet, and I start to think.Some of these thoughts are in The Hammock, but I can never write them all down, they whirl by too fast. I have no one to confide in, no one to comfort me, because I hold myself distant. Preferring instead to silently comfort others and help them from a safe distance, wheich I'm sure nobody has realized. A long time ago, I realized this would be the way of it, and despite everything it's taking its toll. Maybe because of it, I don't know, but i feel like i'm walking alone. "that isn't true", and "everyone feels like that sometimes" everyone's probably thinking, and yes, you're right. The only reason I didn't give up a few years ago is because God was helping me along, as he is now. Because of who I have become, I'm distant from people, emotionally and physically.
Maybe that's why I like this, Deviant Art. I can talk to pepole without being close to them. For years, thta has been my comfort buffer: as long as I'm not noticed too much, I'm able to be me. People who actually know me may find this doubtful, but that's because I have had practice with this for years , and I've become quite adept at it.

What was it I heard in a movie once? Something like "...Sometimes, when you remove the mask, there's nothing underneath.", coming from a lawyer-type-person. it creeps me out, but I feel like I'm being dragged towards that, and at and music are the only ways I can gain ground back. That, and quietly helping others without them noticing, so I can watch them move ahead, with a quiet pride. It's soothing to me, and helps me burn away my own doubts. In everything, I look for the good. That's getting harder.


Nyanamia, I think I'll thank you for making me reflect like this. It's what I needed. I had to bare something, or I'd get deeper into my long-standing funk.

Jennadelle, thank you. You're an inspiration, and you've given me a different slant on life. I hope you'll let me help you.


As has always been a policy of mine, if anyone has anything that they need to ask about, need a shoulder to cry on, someone to comfort or just to talk to, that's what I'm here for, I'll do my best to help.
© 2004 - 2024 Groxx
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celticangel1982's avatar
:faint:
wow.
I know exactly what you mean.
I love winter too. SO wonderful.
:clap:
really good job here... really really good.